as much as I don't like to admit it to
尽管我不愿意承认，
myself
what my dad did to me still has an
我父亲对我的所作所为仍然
effect on my life
影响着我的生活。
I grew up in a little village in Dorset
我在多塞特的一个小村庄长大，
from the outside world we were no
与外界没有什么
different to any other family
不同，
but what people didn't see not even my
但人们 我没看到，甚至我的家人也没有看到，
family
was that I was being sexually abused by
我被我爸爸性虐待，
my dad
most the time all I feel is anger
大多数时候，我
towards him
对他只有愤怒，
but of course there is some level of him
但当然，他也
that loved me and cared for me
爱我，关心我，
he was sentenced to 14 years in prison
他被判处 14 年有期徒刑 在监狱里，
but recently I found out he's been
但最近我发现他被
released
释放了，
hi I just want to just wondering if I
嗨，我只是想知道我是否
could have a conversation about
可以谈谈
contacting my father
联系我父亲的
what I want to do is find out what you
问题，我想知道你
would like to say to your dad I guess
想对你爸爸说些什么，我想
then there's a pathway to the
这样就有一条路
conversation that I'd have it would be
我要进行的对话首先是，
first of all
do you remember the first time
你还记得你第一次
that you
对
um
sexually abused me
我进行性虐待吗？
yeah
是的，
oh I hate saying that word I hate saying
哦，我讨厌说这个词，我讨厌说
it I I feel I feel shame when I say
这个词，我感觉很糟糕，当我说这个词时，我感到羞耻，
that word and even though I shouldn't
甚至 虽然我不应该，
it's just weird isn't it what you're
但这只是很奇怪，这不是
what your subconscious does to you
你的潜意识对你做的
stuff that's not our fault we feel
事情吗 那不是我们的错，我们感到
guilty about I know what does he think
内疚，我知道他是怎么
about me as a person you know and and
看待我的，你知道，
now and how why did why did that why was
现在，为什么，为什么会这样，为什么
that more important or did he not care
这更重要，或者他不在乎，
you know he's supposed to love me he
你知道他应该爱我，但他
didn't like he just hurt me and it like
没有 他伤害了我，
completely like it shatters
这完全粉碎了 Sasa 的斗志，
Sasa
never stopping obviously I don't find
显然我并不觉得
the situation funny
这种情况好笑，
I mean one of the things that I put to
我的意思是，我问他的一件事
him is
是，
don't you think this is the right thing
你不觉得这是正确的
to do and we'll go from there
做法吗 然后我们从那里出发
you're a hell of a lady thank you so
你是一位了不起的女士非常感谢
much Mike please drive safe
迈克请小心驾驶
[Music]
[音乐]
I've located where your father is
我找到了你父亲的住处
he was living in uh sort of rented
他住在呃租来的
accommodation I guess you know sort of
房子里我想你知道有点
cheap counselor housing stuff
便宜 辅导员住房事宜
um and unemployed living on benefits and
嗯和失业靠救济金生活，
doing lots of walks
经常散步，
so I arranged to go and talk to a police
所以我安排去和一名警官谈谈，
officer who is now his main offender
他现在是他的主要罪犯
manager at a time when
经理，当时
um I was hoping I might be able to meet
我希望我也能见到
your dad as well
你的父亲
um and didn't work out
嗯，没有成功，
and he said that
他说，
um your father had made the decision
嗯，你父亲已经做出了决定，
that no he couldn't handle it and he
不，他 无法接受，他
didn't want to do it I mean the the
不想这样做，我的意思是，
excuses you know that he came up with
你知道他找的借口，
um he's done a fair bit of therapy I
嗯，他做了相当多的治疗，我
understand and he says that he thinks
知道，他说他认为
that that it might cause him to step
这可能会导致他走
backwards in that program of
在那个发展过程中，
development I barely got any therapy
我几乎没有接受任何治疗，
like you know I've had to deal with it
就像你知道我必须自己处理这一切，
all myself and and no
而且
you're making progress well in one one
你正在取得进展，
part of me is like great hopefully that
我的一部分感觉很好，希望这
means he won't hurt any more children
意味着他不会受到伤害 再也没有孩子了，
but another part of me is like God you
但我的另一部分就像上帝一样，你
don't know you've born
不知道你已经出生了，
he's just so
他是如此
childish and cowardly and
幼稚和懦弱，
嗯
week